MY STORY

Throughout my twenties I was lost in a whirlwind of parties, drugs and meaningless relationships. Clinging onto these activities as a reprieve from the worthlessness that I felt deep inside but was unable to feel. As life shifted through my Saturn return into my current marriage and the birth of my first daughter, there was nowhere to hide. Partying and substances were replaced with online shopping and numbing out through alcohol and excessive phone use. These addictive behaviours opened the yawning gap of disconnection I experienced with my beloved family and with life itself. Fearful, shameful and alone.

On the surface everything was perfect. The house, the career, the husband, the child, the dog. But I was asking ‘Is this really all there is?’

After 10 years of yoga practice and meditation, reforming my diet and quitting alcohol, but no matter what I tried to ‘fix’ myself, I experienced the feeling of being stuck. The me that I knew myself to be always turned up again eventually. This was not about finding success, contentment or material wealth, but rather a deep knowing that I was not living in true authenticity to the person I was born to be. I realise now that I was craving intimacy and aliveness with life, something I believe that each human being longs for and deserves.

I was guided into coaching by a close friend and it was a powerful first step towards uncovering stories and beliefs that were present in my life. However, I still experienced a magnetic pull back to the same ways of being, to disconnection and the experience of being alone. The ‘blindspots’, the unconscious knowing that was informing how the world appeared to me, was running my life. Around this time, I started waking in the middle of the night, terror moving through my body and a sense of complete dissolution, not knowing where or who I was. I believe now that this was a calling from the unseen realms, the waking up of my intuition and gifts. An awakening from the deep sleep of a disconnected life . I took a fearful but bold step into Body-Mind Maturation and so began a lifelong process of dissolution and expansion. This journey is not about attaining a perfect, finished state, but to engage with life as our master. Learning to let go of outdated ways of being. To be fully alive and in connection with the evolutionary force of the cosmos. To realise the wholeness that exists for each of us.

Maturation stripped back layers of delusion and apathy, connecting me deeply and vitally to Life. The relationship with my husband has deepened and matured. Dedicating ourselves to honesty in our relationship and each others evolution. I am able to parent from a place of deep rootedness and love. I moved my family to the Lake District to live in ceremony with the land and the waters. Releasing a career that I had held onto for twenty years. The ongoing journey of expansion into my souls capacity. Walking with others on their journey of Maturation.